The only words you want to hear

Most girls want to hear a guy tell her he loves her that she matters that she is his world that without her his life is meaningless. Sometimes I think girls go hunting for love as strongly as they do because they didn't have the luxury of an anchor, someone who reminds them of there value to the world with no alterior motives.

I was rather lucky that I never had to question my value my importance in the world I was fed an abundance of confidence in my first 28 years of life to knew early on I had value. My problem in the game of love was and is that while I know I'm worthy of great love of feeling like the most important person in a person's life I have no clue how to earn that right from a stranger.

And for that reason after I lost my dad and in losing him lost most of the solid footing over my confidence and ability to trust my decisison because the person I fell back upon if I failed was gone causes me to sometimes hesitate more then I ever have before in this game we call finding true love.

I miss what it feels like to feel whole to feel solid to feel like myself and not some half version of myself. I miss that feeling that comes with knowing you are loved, beautiful appreciates wanted needed that no matter what choices you make be they right wrong or steps forward backward or simply sideways in your life that the people around you will love and support you for them. And while I know ill always be my dads little girl and that my mom and the rest of my extended family well always love me sometimes I just miss being able to talk out my insecurities with someone who will only say. "Do your best, work hard your a smart girl there is nothing you can't do."

But since the voice in my head that tells me those things sounds like a middle eastern dark Vader it sometimes hurts to hear them repeat in my head because they no longer come with a hug or a kiss on the forehead.

So I hesitate take a step back or pause and hope that someday someone will make me feel that solid and whole again. But for now I guess its up to me to be the anchor of my own self confidence.

Let's see how well I can hold that together too.

Till next time your hero

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