My Life In Theory

just another crazy month starting and a life driving me batty

I have very distant memories of summer. It was a time when I could flee the hum drum pain of Monday to Friday dullness that was school. The time was spent at the beach, the mall, or simply watching tv and going out and about with friends but somehow in the time since graduating from university and starting in the real world I've lost not only my thrive to learn but also my 3 month vacation in favor of working full time and savings my paid time off for days i simply don't want to go into the office. it's a sad moment when a woman realizes her summer wardrobe can only be worn on weekends. Is it just me or shouldn't corporate America offer a 3 month vacation in which workers can choose to flee there stuffy offices and dress close in favor of flip flops and tank tops? I for one would be far more productive in September if i had even a 30 day vacation from corporate life. But I could be the exception.

Living in la has its pluses

I've always been the kind of person who likes to keep things separate, friends, family, work, past. in the nearly 3 years I've been working for the bank I've never even fathomed working in my home town. i had made an actual point of keeping work and my past separate knowing that by transferring to my local branch I'd be forced to face the people and things that made me so damb angry for all those years. but with my most recent transfer my past and present have been placed within blocks of each other. and i am once again dealing with the past and trying to remember why i worked so hard to leave it behind. part of what makes me who i am is this little town and i know that i have to face my demon one at a time if i'm ever going to move past my past. so maybe this move will be a blessing, doubt it but here is hoping i gain something from all this. later readers

since i can remember I've had a hard time falling asleep at night, no matter how tired i am sleep never really wants to come. I blame it on a overactive imagination and a mind that hates to rest even when it should i mean i can't stop talking half the time why should my mind be any different. but right now i think it has to do with change. Change has always been my best friend and worst enemy. I love what change represents: new starts, fresh chances, clean slates, new, different, a challenge to compete with. but at the same times it's also means fear, potential failure and lack of control. and we all know how much i love to control my life. but like most of the big moments or even the small ones change comes weather i have a say or not. and it looks like the universe has seen fit to force a new change in my life. Any time i have a change in my life big or small i can't sleep my mind keeps going over my choices or lack of choices i made to lead to this moment and what th...

have you ever sat at the bottom of the pool and screamed at the top of your lungs. all your fears insecurities all your deepest darkest secrets... it's one of the most terrifying feelings in the world because the more you rage and vent the more it hurts. you can't breath, can't think, can't move your only thought is anger and water. but the water is all around you consuming you taking your pain and amplifying it making it feel so much worse. till you can't take the pain anymore and you head for the surfice only to realize that no one has heard a word you've said and you are just as trapped above the water as you were beneath the surface. i feel trapped in a life i never wanted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a mountain of luggage which prevents us from enjoying our last few hours in nyc. For full details call.

Good old nick and his trusty map got us lost in queens yesterday. But at least we found our way to central park. Later readers Your reluctant hero

My view from the top of the empire state building. So the last 2 days have been a bit of a tourestie blur. A broadway show, shopping on 5th avenue, the met, the empire state building, saint vartans church, and some of the best bookstores in the city. Not a bad way to spend 2 days. And as the sun rises on today the 30th of april I smile. As I live one of those once in a lifetime days, waking up in NYC. Here is hoping my 24th year of life brings the changes I'm chasing and the moments that we all live for. Love ya readers, Your 24 year old hero

A thousand appologies to anyone wondering if we made it to nyc yet. But after a 5 hour flight that involved tiny seats a bratty preteen and arriving at 8am and taking a 40 minute taxi ride into brooklyn I have to say I was justifibly to tired to blog. Day 1 in nyc has Reminded me yet again why I love it here. Our first jont was a trip to chinatown on a damp morning which earned me a slip and slide on metal grates and a rather large gash on my left knee. One that hurt like a motherfucker and sent alice on a scavenger hunt for neosporen and bandaids. Fallowed by a subway trip back to brooklyn a 4 block walk to alice's sister hellen's place and allowing myself to be a part of her practical medical school exam. One I was no longer bleeding nick and I decided to try and sleep off the jet lag. Which required 5 hours of sleep in random angles. Then a trip to manhatten proper to visit serendipity 3 for the best deserts on earth. So there you have it day one of our adventures for your c...

All my bags are packe d Im ready to go Im stand in here outsi de your door I hate to wake you up to say goodb ye But the dawn is break in Its early morn The taxis waiti n Hes blowi n his horn Alrea dy Im so lones ome I could die So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that youll wait for me Hold me like youll never let me go cause Im leavi n on a jet plane Dont know when Ill be back again Oh babe, I hate to go There s so many times Ive let you down So many times Ive playe d aroun d I tell you now, they dont mean a thing Evry place I go, Ill think of you Evry song I sing, Ill sing for you When I come back, Ill bring your weddi ng ring So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that youll wait for me Hold me like youll never let me go cause Im leavi n on a jet plane Dont know when Ill be back again Oh babe, I hate to go Now the time has come to leave you One more time Let me kiss you Then close your eyes Ill be on my way Dream about the days to come When I wont have to le...

Remember that on this day April 24, 1915 the beginning of a 3 year genocide of the Armenian people took place. Remember that 1.5 million lives were lost. Remember that millions more lost there homes businesses and history. Remember that till this day 93 years later our loss is denied. Remember that to this day genocide is referred to as an act of war by the Turkish government. Remember that in the year 2008 the president of the United States, the land of the free, choose oil and flight paths over acknowledgment of a horrendous act. Remember that one day we will be remembered. But only if you never forget. In remembrance of the 1.5 million lives lost. in remembrance of my family members i never met. who lost there lives and those who did everything in there power so that our name would somehow live on. APRIL 24. Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day

How random is that. I can’t believe I'm actually taking a trip this year to one of my favorite places in the world. I've been looking forward to returning to NYC since I left two years ago. I love NY I love what it represents the times I can have there. The things I can see, the people I can meet. The person I can be while I’m there. Last time I ventured to NYC I felt like I could do anything like my limits didn’t exist that I could be anyone do anything become the person I wanted to be. After I returned home reality sunk in. Life, work, and the daily dread took over and my dreams, my hopes, my ambition. They all took a back seat for this person I was becoming. The person I became the person who is miserable half the time and just wants to be happy but can’t seem to find the puzzle pieces to make this mess make sense. Part of me doesn't want to come home after this trip I feel like I’m stuck in such a rut that change is the only thing that will force me to do somethin...

I miss writing. I miss feeling like my words matter. feeling like my voice actually matter. i miss knowing who i am and why i exist. I miss me. I've spent just shy of 9 months trying to find my place and missing the mark each time. maybe someday i'll know my purpose my place and my cause but for now lost confusing and searching works for me. the sad thing is that the closer i get to other peoples goals for me the further i fall from my own path. maybe someday i'll find my way back to myself.

I've been thinking allot lately what my life would be like if.... if I'd been a different kind of person. The kind who lived more and thought less. The kind who opened up more and didn't block the world out. The kind that wasn't so afraid and actually enjoyed the moments instead of analyzing the seconds between them. Would that girl be happier, would she of lived a better life. found more joy? who is to say but sadly dear readers we are who we are and for now all I can do is try and enjoy the moments from now on....and hope that the kind of girl i am will make me the person I'm meant to be.

Today dear readers marks the last day of my la training. Ill be taking my series 66 tomorrow then assuming a passing grade I head back to the brabch and start the online course my job requires to be a real live stock broker and after all those lovely steps ill be ready. ready for what? I've no idea anymore but right now it just feels good to be so close to finishing one quest in my life and to be starting another. I think if this time in la has taught me anything its that I can do more then I think and that hard work and studying all day is a painful process. What I'm yet to know is if it is worth it... Sadly I don't know what tomorrows results will be a passing score seems posibly and hopefully I will be all done with this madness soon. I don't know about you readers but I for one am looking forward to having my life back. The one that includes going out having fun and only really having to worry about studying. Well readers I best get back to the scenery got a air pur...

The series 66 is like 10 times duller then the 7 and I'm just trying to understand it all before my exam I can not fail. So much meaningless reading. But what can I say readers we all have our cross to bare I just happen to have one in the shape of text books and standereised test... In unrelated news the bday plans are in swing hoping to plot something really great this year. Quote of the day "either your busy living or your busy dieing but either way were always in a hurry" Later readers Your studious hero

i passed i passed i passed........ and to celebrate I'll first spend my Friday night out and about with my amazing friends and .......... Start studying for my series 66 yep the fun never stops for this girl. Color me excited -Your series 7 passing hero

i'll be missing in action for a few days As I prep and take my series 7s this Thursday I'll be MIA from the land of cellphones, email online chats and really anything that isn't study material. But I promise to take great notes and keep you all in the loop once everything is said and done. love ya readers. Your tired hero.